Dear husband, from your wife’s anxiety

Dear husband, from your wife’s anxiety.

Dear husband. We all get stressed and we all get down. You have your struggles just like everyone else. But for you, its a little harder. Your wife has anxiety, everyday stresses are intense for her, which makes everyday stresses more intense for you too. You must be tired, tired from carrying everyday because she finds it hard to make decisions. You make all of the plans and she seems to never decide on anything. She cant focus on everyday tasks, easily gets distracted which causes her to mess up , because her mind is too busy worrying about everything and anything. When shes staring into space or unusually quiet, shes probably planning her funeral , imagining someone dying or making a mental list of what shes going to grab if the house burns down. It sounds absolutely ridiculous and messed up, dark and sinister, but its true. These nasty thoughts play in her head , and they come from nowhere, in any place, at any time. She cant tell you this. When you ask her “You ok?” She cant reply “ Not really, just thinking about when i die” or “No, i just pictured an awful car crash” Instead she will say “I’m fine.” You know shes lying, you think it’s something you’ve done. Now theres an awful atmosphere and the day seems ruined. You also always take the lead. You may feel like no matter how hard you try to ease her stress or make her happy it never really makes a difference. You tell her to trust you, she panics anyway, you feel that she can’t love you if she doesn’t trust you. You may ask yourself “ why doesn’t she believe in me?” This isn’t the case. This really isn’t the case ! The thing is, anxiety writes a horrible ending to every story. There is no happily ever after, and the for every good thing that can happen, there are 10 bad things that can happen . Anxiety and fear are sisters and their mother is doubt. Her mind is in a constant fight between what she knows is true, and what she is feeling, which is absolute terror.

It sounds terrible I know and this does not mean that if you marry a woman with anxiety that your life is going to be hell. You just need to know how to deal with these tough times when they come, or know what to say, or what NOT to say. For example “Cheer up” is one of the absolute worst things you can say! Shes not going to say “ great idea! Why didn’t i think of that, I feel great now!” It just doesn’t work like that, sometimes she just needs a hug, literally a hug. Say nothing and hold her, she just wants to feel safe and to feel like she isn’t a burden to you. Just let her hold onto you and stay there for as long as she needs until the panic passes , she’ll thank you more than you ever know. Sometimes you may get frustrated, you may think “crying again? What now?” This is understandable, don’t get me wrong. Just don’t project that frustration directly onto her. She understands that you need love too, and that you have your bad days too, but she wants to feel well so that she can be there for you too. Sometimes its not even the case that she needs taking care of, she just needs you to be there for her while she learns and grows.

Just remember, the bad days will pass , and as long as you have each other and you don’t give up or get mad at her for her condition, your marriage will blossom and you will share a special bond like no other! ❤️