Divorce after a baby.
So, you’ve just a baby or have a young child and you’re about to get a divorce. You are probably thinking ‘what do I do now?’ You probably think that you can’t do this alone, maybe you feel embarrassed, hopeless and scared. I know, because I have been through it too.
My son was only one and a half when I found out my husband was having an affair and my world came crumbling down. I isolated myself, I was embarrassed because my ‘perfect family’ was no more, and everybody was talking about it. And to be frank, the thought of being a single mother terrified me. How was I going to work ? I worked 3 days a week and my husband stayed home on some of those days. I also suffer with anxiety, so I was driving myself crazy thinking about how I would cope on my own if the baby was having a bad night or if I feeling down. One of the most important things that i was disappointed about was the fact that my son would now never grow up in a house with mum and dad together. That was one of my goals in life, to have a happy home , married , with children.. a family. The way it’s ‘supposed to be.’
I lost so much weight due to stress, I couldn’t sleep and got put on antidepressants. I spent a lot of time shut away during the day and going out on the weekends wasting money trying to pretend that I was having a good time. Then one day, after yet another meltdown , singing Beyoncé’s ‘Sorry’ with tears streaming down my face, I just thought ‘No, I can’t keep doing this’ and I came to the realisation that most of how I was feeling was because I didn’t LOVE MYSELF. I thought that the ‘love’ from my husband defined my worth. I looked at my little boy and he just smiled at me ; and that’s when I knew, I was fine! This little boy loves me unconditionally , he doesn’t care that I’m a mess , he still thinks that I am the best person in the world, and I had to be that for me. So I changed the question, from “why did he hurt me?” to “what did he teach me?” Now I’m not saying that all of the hurt and anger magically disappeared, not at all, but I felt empowered. I joined baby groups, I went to a stay and play group at the local children’s centre and made new mummy friends, I started blogging, I started going on adventures with my son Elijah, to the farm , the beach , taking pictures to remind us of all of the fun we were having. Just us. I absolutely loved the time we had together , our bond grew and he made me feel stronger than ever. Getting divorced with a baby was one of the worst periods times of my life but it made me who I am today, and when I look back I am so proud of myself because I pulled myself together, became both mum and dad to my boy and grew as woman and most importantly as a mother.
Once I had come to terms with the fact it was just me and him now and I wasn’t at t fault for my husbands’ behaviour I had a new found sense of self worth and self love and my son was my ray of sunshine in what seemed like a never ending tornado of sadness and loneliness. I slowly learnt to love ME again
So, mummy friends going through this horrible time, I know it seems like it’s the end of your world right now but trust me when I say, It does get better! Learn to love yourself, look at your child and see what good came from that marriage, your children love you unconditionally. Talk about it! Meet other mums, you will be surprised how good it feels to just get out of the house and talk to another mum. You’ve got this!!